Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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