Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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