my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
