Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
