just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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