Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
