Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
