all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
