i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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