somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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