i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
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