There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
