You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
