Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
