I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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