You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
