The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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