what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
