I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize