Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
