never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
