then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
