I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
