I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
