Please, let me fuck your mom
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
