I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
