We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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