i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
