Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
