i was born a porn star she said
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
