As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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