I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
