Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
