They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
