Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
did i walk over a car last night?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
