How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
