so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he shaved USA in his pubs
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
