new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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