If i come over, it means nothing
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
