What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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