I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
