Small penises have feelings too.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just invented taco cereal.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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