I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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