she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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