There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
