Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
