i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
so much tequila, so little girl.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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