I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
