I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
