just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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