Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
