They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
