Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
