Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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