yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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