cat food counts as protein by the way
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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