I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
