An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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