why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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