my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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