just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
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I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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