Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
