He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
