I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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