Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
