I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You smell like stripper and shame
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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