watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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