butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
