you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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