i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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