I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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