Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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