So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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