Soap is not a condiment
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
