But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
