ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
