I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
