he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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