yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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